Have you ever loved and losing someone special that everything changes in an instant?  For example, daily routines, birthdays, anniversary, Christmas, Thanksgiving and so on.  The reality of this world, you love and lost loved ones, a best friend, a companion, or a riding partner. Life can be cruel but also pleasant and full of surprises at the same time. Each person takes their grief in a different way or manner.

This past year has been a challenge. Learning to do everything by oneself, laughing or just a silly grin, a hug or companionship from that special person.  My husband died 2016 and it’s a different world since. The house has been so quiet, his motorcycle and mower in the garage, and everything that is his still sitting.  The year has its challenges but when it gets to the holidays, it’s another matter altogether.

My husband was a great teacher and my best friend when I was learning how to ride a motorcycle.  Taught me what I know about Harleys or general motorcycles.  A worrier on little things, my riding partner and my better half.  Always cheer a friend up when they have a bad day. Make the time needed if someone in trouble or stranded on the highway, or just sitting around visiting and bullshitting.  Missed him during the toy run last year and this year or any other rides we had since.  The phrase, “it is easy said than done”, plays a lot these past days. Some days are easy and some are not.

Life can be very interesting or cruel.  Depend on a persons’ perspective, it also can be pleasant and forgiving in its own way. I am a very positive person and love life, life goes on, some days it feels like theirs a hole in my heart that will never heal, but then sometimes somedays are harder than normal.  I’ve become a full-time workaholic with lack of sleep. What is sleep? Work was my outlet, work at work, and work at home.  During spring, summer, and fall, it was easier because work and Harleys are my meditations; but during the winter time, it’s a little difficult to ride the Harley on the ice and snow.

Some friends suggested seeing a psychiatrist just in case depression/grief gets a little too much to handle; it may work for other people but it does not work for my self-being. Even when things get a little bleak sometimes, I believe that whatever I have to endure in this one life that we live in, God will always shine at my worst time.

Having a great loving family both personal and motorcycle, good friends are a must in any persons’ life in order to endure this world.  It is never easy to say “I am not okay” because, in reality, no one wants to see pity or feeling sorry for them.  It is a lot easier to say “I am okay” because then I don’t have to explain anything.  I’ve never fully understood why some friends I’ve known throughout the years said “He/She is okay” and they are not, but now I do.

Living and learning during my grief, I have come to realize that most of the things you see on television are not the same compared to reality.  Learning to live with grief is easier said than done; losing a loved one especially a spouse or your riding partner in life is a whole different matter altogether.  Maybe to others, it feels the same but to my knowledge, it’s not, because a spouse is someone that you share everything inside and out with including your bed.

Thanksgiving, calendar special dates, and especially Christmas is harder holidays that I have ever endured.  I have nothing against Christmas, but realizing it that since he died, Christmas is not the same but a little harder month. Harder month because we shared a lot of memories on Christmas especially.  The sweetest memories, I’ve learned to smile or giggle on some of them, but some bring tears that never stopped in a lot of times.  The longing for what we have and lost forever is a little bit overrated.  Realizing that even though I will never see that silly grin again in this lifetime, it brings a sense of relief that he is not hurting and in a better place than here.

So, cherish each moment and time with your loved ones, a riding partner, or a friend because we will never know what tomorrow brings.  Time cannot be reversed once it’s here, passes it is gone.  Every memory created, makes life and moving forward a little easier.  Someone once said “it gets easier with time”, this phrase I hope in the near future will be true but for now it’s not.  So, if you know of a friend with a similar situation; give them a hug, a smile, a handshake, or just a hello; you’ll be surprised how meaningful that is.